Let's not do it again.

13 Mar 2023

It is often easier to achieve things that do not rely on agreements.

when we are away from our boyfriend, we get in touch with each other by phone.

the things we talked about were trivial, but it was what kind of milk tea we drank today, how many classes we had, how boring the teacher was, and so on, but it was these daily routines that created a feeling that "the other party is around".

soon, I coveted this feeling and made an appointment with him that we would make a phone call from 10:00 to 11:00 every night.

he said "yes" confidently, but he didn't know what "every day" in the agreement meant.

We did have a good chat at first, but it wasn't long before I noticed that he was a little absent-minded when he answered my question and asked him what he was doing. He confessed that he was in a hurry for homework.

I was very angry and felt that he had broken our agreement: "didn't we agree that this time was for making phone calls?"

it was not until he aggrieved to tell me that he had missed a lot of homework that a voice jumped out of my heart and said that this agreement was not necessarily reasonable.

actually, that sound is there all the time, but I pretend not to hear it.

from the moment I told him, "We'll call every night," I knew he might not be able to do it.

if I'm sure he can do it, I don't need to make a deal with him at all. It's because I know he may not be able to do it that I want to urge him with something like "promise".

now, this kind of behavior is quite selfish.

because no matter what the purpose is, as long as you make an agreement with the other party, you will inevitably impose your wishes on the other person.

and when the "wish" is above the "actual situation", it is easy to forget what the original intention of doing that is.

another reason I don't like appointments is that it makes things that are easy to do difficult.

it's like doing a manicure with a friend, which is obviously only a small thing, but if my friend solemnly says to me, "Don't forget", I will feel an inexplicable pressure coming from the bottom of my heart.

there are similar words like "that's a deal" and "Don't you remember?" "do you mean what you said last time?"

it is because you are so aware of the importance of abiding by an agreement that you are more likely to be influenced by these words and lose the original impulse to do something.

it is "engagement" that turns interest into a task.

Chen Lu once said a very interesting analogy: if a person is allowed to sit on a chair, he will not want to get up, but if he is tied to a chair, he will want to get up immediately.

"agreement" is the rope that binds us.

so when I tied up my boyfriend and asked him to call me every day, he only thought it was a task that had to be done and couldn't help but want to get out quickly.

the wonderful thing is that we later canceled that appointment, but we talked no less than before.

three.

I didn't expect him to mind at all. He smiled and said, "I'm sure I can't catch up with the change of plan, and I'm still having a good time these two days."

in retrospect, the trip was really good. We went to some unplanned places, bought a few interesting items, and impromptu into several small shops that were not famous, but the food was surprisingly delicious.

the promise is to make a relationship better. If it affects the life of one party or makes the other party feel that the diaphragm is appropriate, it is time to adjust it.

changing the original agreement does not necessarily mean "breaking a promise" or "breaking an appointment".

finally.

but I think every unrealistic agreement is a thick wall between two people, which not only can not maintain the relationship, but also makes each other lose confidence in the relationship.

after all, actually doing something is more useful than any agreement.

author /Liu Bai

Song /Zhang Yifan-quiet moment

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