I try to be good-tempered because I don't want to lose to emotion.

I have told the story of chasing a girl in high school many times before. I worked hard for three years and failed for three years. I often use this to prove that I am a person with great perseverance, but in fact, in those three years, not all are failures.

it was one night. After dinner, I went into the snack bar to buy Vitasoy and hid it in my pocket. I went to the door of her class, and I asked friends I knew to ask her to come out.

she answered me "Hello" with a smile.

as a result, at the weekend, she asked a friend to tell me that she could not climb the mountain because she was going to attend the class party.

anyway, I made a big call to her that night.

I didn't stop. I just answered with my mind, "if this is not angry, am I still me?"

two.

it's just that I didn't understand that even a sincere apology within 48 hours could not stop a girl from pulling another boy into the blacklist at the bottom of her heart.

over the years, I often think back to that night, the question is the same question, but the answer is not the same:

in fact, there is something wrong with the above sentence, because from my experience over the past few years, losing your temper doesn't make things any better.

Last week, I wrote an article, "I really want to delete you, but it's true." it's just that I'm worried that if you don't have the right tool or method in solving the problem, it may lead to you who has done nothing wrong and misinterpreted as' stingy'or 'selfish'. "

but I know that some people will be hit by my words.

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obviously like each other very much, but all previous efforts are ruined by a fit of anger; obviously they are right, but because they do not control their emotions, they give the initiative to their opponents and are at the mercy of others; when they are clearly committed to the good, they make a mess, and no one can go back to the original relationship.

18 years have been a difficult year for me and for many people around me.

I couldn't figure it out at that time. It was clear that things were going well, so why should we blame each other?

but as I chatted, I found that I became the problem itself.

so I became the "bad guy" in other people's mouths.

the answers I got were more or less the same, either "of course you're not a bad person" or "forget it."

the consultant didn't answer my "bad" question. She just asked me, "do you feel aggrieved?"

Why?

but in the room where it was just me and the counselor, I realized that the excuses and hatred I had lasted for so long were nothing but grievances.

because everything is just a kind of emotion, and they have nothing to do with the thing itself.

anger is an expression of vulnerability. "

Xing Hai said that he had such a poor relationship with his mother that he would have a fight almost as soon as he met. He said it was hard for him to understand why his mother always disliked so many things he did.

so this Spring Festival, Xinghai's relationship with her mother is much more relaxed. When he said the word "pity", he smiled bitterly because he didn't know if the word could be used in this way. But it doesn't matter. What matters is that he changed the way he got along with his mother: "now I will calm down and communicate with her slowly, because I want to know what she is afraid of and want to find out what she really wants to say."

in order not to screw things up again, but also to make it more difficult for the people around me, I want to be a good-tempered person.

I hope you can do the same.

author /Zhang Jingbi