Have you ever forced yourself to cry?

Have you ever forced yourself to cry?
Move on.

No one would have thought that just a week ago, I had just attended my grandfather's funeral.


I could tell from the tone she answered the phone that it was my dad: their conversation was always sharp and tit-for-tat, and the phone hung up after a brief exchange as usual, and I didn't care.

your grandfather is gone.

after I confirmed it jokingly, she repeated it again, then smoothly and quickly moved her eyes to the food in the bowl and moved on to the next mouthful.

the grandfather in our mouth is my father's father, but usually I call him Grandpa.

as for my real grandfather, when I first met him, he was almost 70 years old, his legs were inflexible, and his ability to accept new things like cartoons was very low. our meeting was limited to symbolic visits and pleasantries during the holidays, so we didn't have a deep relationship.

so I seized the point of impermanence of fate, tried to mobilize all my memories of him, and even made up for part of his rough and hard life in the blank, such as failing to study in a poor family. He worried about all but one of his children.

but my mother continued to eat lightly and disapprovingly. Even after I asked her, she just replied,

"We'll be there the day after tomorrow, and you'll get up early."

I seem to suddenly realize that there is no need to make myself sad, because what to do next is more important than how to be sad.

the question "what to do" is not difficult to answer.

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Grandma borrowed a cell phone outside the rescue room to inform my father and several other children. Everyone rushed to their homes in the countryside from various places to comfort the elderly, prepare the funeral items one by one, and then inform their wives and children. Pick them up the next day.

when I arrived at the scene, everything was going on in an orderly way. because of the rain, a shed was built outside the house, and the mourners sat at the door blowing the trumpet. most of the people present were strangers, and they took turns kneeling to the portrait according to their relationship. After getting up, they went outside to greet each other with each other, and everything was lively.

while Grandma looked sad, she seemed distracted by the rare gathering of relatives and friends and complicated links, put her hand on the hands of everyone who comforted her, and shook her head at them to show that she was all right. I'm ready to live alone.

only after this time did I know that old people who have been frugal and nostalgic all their lives can really throw away things that are no longer necessary as long as they make up their minds.


when I was in junior high school, I had a cold war with my best friend because of a little thing. We didn't talk every day for several days. Those days were very difficult. During the day, I dared not talk to my deskmate more. I was afraid that she would make me laugh. I was seen by my friends and thought that I didn't care about her. I was alone at the desk at night, but it was all in my mind how to save her.

it seems that I'm the only one who can't sleep over this relationship, but she lives as usual as if nothing happened.

"so why don't you two do anything and just concentrate on getting angry?"

but that is temporary after all, whether we should move on or not.

my reason for writing this article is not to persuade you not to be sad, because I know it is useless.

after all, all emotions, happiness, sadness, anger, sadness, entanglement, and bewilderment, no matter where they come from, no matter how big they seem at the time, are only a small part of life in the final analysis.

author /Lu Yifei

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