At the age of 20, it is time to write a suicide note.

one.

in the last two hours of 2018, my boyfriend and I leaned in bed and looked back on the year, and he asked me if I had any regrets.

I haven't even thought about it. Just say, I haven't written a suicide note yet.

although the operation is very small, it still needs general anesthesia and has a certain risk. What's more, I am a person who loves film and television works, and there are far more accidents than in daily life.

In our bohemian bridesmaid dresses, you will define elegance and chic. Perfect for formal functions or informal parties.

so before the operation, I had been thinking about whether to write a suicide note.

on second thought, this is too hypocritical, coupled with the nature of lazy people, the matter will come to an end.

until December 19, 2018, I had sudden palpitations and was sent to 120 first aid.

chest chills, dyspnea, limb paralysis, shivering all over the body.

lying in the ambulance, I did three things.

1, comparing the symptoms with the programmers in Xinjiang who just died suddenly, the more they compare, the more flustered they are.

2. Reflect on the living habits of recent years. I took a large amount of melatonin for a long-term sleep disorder, and insomnia led to habitual migraines. Only ibuprofen could solve the pain.

3. Why didn't I write that suicide note at that time?

the following things seemed to make a mountain out of a molehill. Everything was normal in my examination, and I was finally diagnosed with autonomic nerve disorder.

this is a mental illness that can lead to near-death feelings in the event of anxiety.

you see that I am still here, and I know that nothing really happened to me in the end, but after a similar near-death experience, I found myself nostalgic for the world beyond imagination.

because of nostalgia, I am afraid that if an accident comes, I will leave in a hurry without clarifying my attachment to some people and things.

I started writing this suicide note on the first day of 2019, but two weeks later, I hadn't finished it yet.

this is not an easy process.

I need to try to immerse myself in the relationship with someone or something, and carefully review the story between us, and remembering is a very difficult thing.

other than that, I have to make a choice. Because in the last few thousand words of my life, I hope it is the concentrated product of my life's emotion, it has to be exquisite and free of nonsense.

in fact, wherever life goes, it always looks "inappropriate" when it comes to the previous period of time.

three.

last.

but you can't miss it during the day.

but who doesn't want to shine?

author /Li Xiaoqi

Song /Athletics- Ⅲ (find yourself)

is it good?